Log in

I'm Still Standing

> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> Profile
> previous 10 entries

July 23rd, 2009

08:56 am - A seldom post of frequent subject
A rare post for me. This is just dedicated to missed opportunities, and being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Also being born in the wrong century. Hi to all my friends I don't know if I have any left? I know I don't deserve any of you with my extended period being MIA Nonetheless isf you see it in your hearts to forgive me, stop by and sya hello. .............The women that this is dedicated to knows who she is, as to whether she reads this or not,,,,,,,,,,,,,it's alwaays been a roll of the dice and up to fate from the start. I will follow this fate to whatever end it may take me.
The Frozen Arch

The Silver arch gleamed as the backdrop for the recent All-star game. The arch I saw was no arch to me. It was that elusive unending rainbow with the promise of gold at its infinite path. It is not the riches of gold I seek. It is the riches in my heart, memories,only memories of when I was golden, memories of when we were golden and shared our own rainbow. No one could see this rainbow, there were those that scarcely believed in it's existence. This rainbow was real, It is clear in my mind, and it's luminous colors arch through my heart. The luminous colors have since faded, it's life force is still evident. The colors and life force remain dormant. They will never die, they will never fade. They simply wait and endure, waiting for the few words, waiting for the glimmer of hope to illuminate the Rainbows natural beauty, to illuminate the glow that once shown bright in my heart. Yes the monument of The Gateway to the West stands tall and proud and silver and never ending. It is the also the same with my heart, it's hope is never ending, it's colors hang onto the last pale frost of winter, pale frozen droplets cling in the morning air, awaiting the first glimmer of sun. Is it You???
Current Mood: mischievousmischievous

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

December 5th, 2006

12:55 pm - See I told you Soooooo
1. Ever punch someone in the face?

2. How old are you?

3. Are you single or taken?

4. Eat with your hands or utensils?

5. Do you dream at night?

6. Ever seen a corpse?

7. Have you ever wished someone dead?

8. Do You Like Bush?

9. Whats your philosophy on life? Death?

10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know about it, what would it be?

11. Do you trust the police?

12. Do you like country music?

13. What is your fondest memory of me?

14. If you could change anything about yourself, would you?

15. Would you date me?

16. What do you wear to sleep?

17. Have you ever peed in a pool? While you were still in it?

18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to?

19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?

20. What is your favorite thing about me?

21. Do you think I'm attractive?

22. What is your favorite color?

23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be?

24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you?

25. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? (not required!)

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

November 27th, 2006

Hey Ya'll, I realize that it is not not too unusual that my post-ages comes few and far in-between. Yet seriously my LJ time has become quite limited as of late. Despite my absentee-ism (yes I realize the spelling error. No I am not from TN, despite the spelling and the "ya'll") {( sorry Michele, just joking)}.

Ah yes, my point. I do have one. Yet before I get there, I do need to give an honorable shout out, to a former dear friend of mine. MERRY THANK-MAS !!!!! A few may realize whom this is directed to.

Now for real, my point. I recently failed an important test. Despite my diligence in preparation for this test. Diligence is an understatement, as my diligence has continued after as well. Though this is quite contradictory, I PASSED a swimming test !!!! Not so much did I pass the test, my boys passed the test. My boys, meaning my little sperm-intruders. NO I do not have my third child on the way. The only reason this is worth mentioning at all is due to the fact, a couple months back. I was snipped, vasectomized, a section of the track removed. Oh yes, I had the Hairy Little Foreign man with a name which I cannot pronounce. He did these "mean and nasty" things to me, that paralleled things that Hitler, had originated during the Holocaust. Oh yes, he cut, numbed, and removed sections of my anatomy. It reminded me very much of my first divorce.

Oh yes, the train track in which my little sperm intruders are supposed to use to get from point A to point B has been removed. (BTW I am ex-specially FOND of point B) Nonetheless Point B is supposed to have NON-swimmers!!!! Yet both times I have had the pleasure of dropping off my sample. Yes that part was a pleasure. Though the specimen cups could have a little larger opening. Not to mention the manufacturer could take a little extra precaution to take down some sharp edges. Nonetheless, being the team player that I am, I supplied the proper samples. Of course they had to send me away 18 consecutive days in a row due to the fact that I wasn't scheduled for appts. on those days.

So now what the Hell do I do ??? I realize that my little sperm-intruders are in high demand due to my thoroughbred lineage to the thrown of Polish Royalty. Yet I don't want anymore contneders to the Polish House of Royalty !!! I have my two legitimate heirs. I don't want anymore heirs. All of this could cause civil unrest and potentially could cause a revolution iun the Polish house of royalty. This in turn would leave the door wide open to an invasion by either Germany or Russia !!!!

Please Help me. My Sperm-intruders must DIE.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Caught in a Trap----Elvis

(10 comments | Leave a comment)

June 2nd, 2006

10:37 am - SPICE IT !!!!
During a recent conversation with 'Dunkin Dunuts' the topic of my sex life has come up. I was saying that in the last year, I've grown bored with myself. All the spontinaity which I have to offer myself has run it's course. I'm just not as exciting as I used to be. Now in order to spice up my sex life, I had a rather creative idea, which by the way she found to be quite tacky. Now she is a flirtacious and sexy woman, so this post isn't about how tacky she found my idea. Its just a post about the innovative way I had to spice up my sex life. I have decided to buy myself a, Xena the Warrior Princess, hand puppet. I'll let everyone know how this idea works out for me. Did I hear anyone request pictures ??? ha ha ha
Current Location: near by, yet unseen, and always watching
Current Mood: amusedamused

(8 comments | Leave a comment)

March 30th, 2006

04:18 pm - EX-WIFE RANT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have always said that my second ex-wife is by far my favorite ex wife. Here is an example WHY !!!

Now my children are from my first marraige. BTW this really has nothing to do with my second ex. My daughter Emily turned 11 on the 29th. This weekend she is having a sleepover and the evil ex's with her friends. I wanted to do something special, something different for my daughter. I called one of these services that come by in the middle of the night and put all kinds of lawn decorations up and a sign with a Birthday greeting. Now I am paying for this $80.00, it's not a bid deal. They are going to decorate the lawn with hearts, smily faces and frogs, along with the sign. Therefore when she wakes up in the morning with all her friends VOLIA !!! instant surprise. Just out of courtesy, I informed the evil ex #1 of my plans. What type of response did I get ??? "Oh no don't do that, it's a waste of money. Take her shopping instead, let her pick out clothes." I will be doing this with my daughter anyways. I am NOT doing this instead of buying her a present. She will be getting presents from me as well. Oh it doesn't end here. She even called me back, not ONCE, but fucking TWICE to try to talk me out of doing this. I agree this idea is not practical. However it is intended to make my daughter feel special. Evil ex #1 is such a whiny pain in the ass bitch. I just want to fucking scream !!! I'm doing this for my daughter. One smile, one look of surprise from her, and I feel it is money well spent.

This woman is such a major pain in the ass, a never ending hemerhoid. AAAAHHHHHH !!!!! This is for my daughter, it's for her. As far as I am concerned, that should be it, end of story. It's my money. Here I was feeling pretty good about planning a simple little surprise for my girl. Then this evil bitch has to put a damper on my mood. I Thank God for everyday that I wake up and are not married to this woman. Thank You Lord.
Current Mood: angryangry
Current Music: Bon Jovi--- Born to be My Baby

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

January 16th, 2006

12:23 pm - Because Sheenanoodle Made me, and I am afraid of her and Carlette
1. Name:
2. Date of birth:
3. Where you live:
4. What makes you happy:
5. Currently listening/the last thing you listened to:
6. Do you read my journal?:
7. If yes, what makes it especially good or bad?:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/do you have a crush at the moment?:
10. Favourite place to spend time:
11. Favourite lyric:
12. The best time of the year:

1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A band, a song, or album:

1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Look at my friends-list and tell what you like about one of our mutual friends:
4. Put this in your journal so that I can tell you what I like about you.
Current Mood: stressedstressed

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

January 6th, 2006

10:15 am - THE SURE THING
Remember that old movie with Joh Cusak "The Sure Thing". That hand has been dealt to me. I must admit with my tennis elbow and all, my willpower is weak and dwindling away. An old girlfriend from 18 years ago has been calling me. At first the calls were innocent, she called offering condolences on my Mom's death. We chatted for awhile, it was a good chat. I think I have spoke to her one time previous to this in the 18 years which we have not been together. She was a girlfriend before my first marraige. I affectionatly reffer to her as 'psycho-bitch. I was at my worst when I was with her. I did not like myself or the life I had at that point. She wanted to get married. Yet I knew that we were terrible for eachother. I was one signature away of going into the military just to get away from her. You see I was weak back then, I was not a nice or even a good person back then. Her retalition for my potential military, was to make a faux half ass attempt at suicide by taking a bunch of pills. She was jealous, manipulative, and controling. Finally through the grace of God we did break up. Even though 3 months after the break up she wanted me back. She was mean and vindictive, by harrassing me at work, and even calling my family. Being away from her for those few months had helped make me a better and stronger person. I did not go back with her, and we went our seperate ways.

Now psycho-bitch is very charming. She could go into a room full of strangers and walk away knowing there life stories. Nuff, history fast forward to present day. A few days after the condolence call. She calls again, after chatting for a few, she wanted to know if I would like to meet her. That Night!!! I politely declined. The phone calls continued. The conversations were all about sex and fantasy. At this point my ego is riding high. A married ex wanting to hook up with me for guilt free sex. She had even hinted that it may very well turn into a threesome with one of her friends. Yet when it came time to put-up or shut-up. I chose to shut-up. I mean no pun with this statement, yet if her and I have sex I feel as if we would be opening Pandora's Box(no her name is not Pandora). I think back to all the ugly times her and I spent together. How miserable my life was. I have a sneaking suspicion that one time would not be the end of it. I have a strong feeling that she would be holding the strings and I would be the puppet.

In all honesty, I feel sorry for her husband. He hasn't a clue of her many affairs that she has confessed to me. I remember many years ago, that her and my kids were taking ice skating lessons. Not the same class, just the same arena. I would see her husband with her kids, he was so attentive and so Loving to his kids, it left an impression with me. Not that I am uopposed to threesome sex, its not that she is a psycho, this is not a victimless crime. The main reason I won't go through with this, is because of that impression her husband left on me.

Sorry Psycho, Not with me you don't
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

January 5th, 2006

12:31 pm - Strange Fact
Strange but true fact. After years of playing tennis, it wasn't until my recent divorce that I developed tennis elbow...........Ummmmm think about it for a second or two.
Current Mood: amusedamused

(7 comments | Leave a comment)

December 24th, 2005

11:30 am - I THINK I DUN GOOD
With the recent passing of my Mom, obviously the holiday cheer is not abundant in my family. Speaking with my 95 year old grandmother, I asked her what she wanted for Christmas. Understandably after just losing her daughter, she was a little bitter and said "Not a damn thing". OK I took this in stride having already made my choice anyways as to her gift. She has had birds all her life. Yet when she was forced to move in with my Mom, my Mom was not keen on the extra care and mess of birds. After I had this conversation with my Grandma, I proceded to the pet store. I picked her out not one, but two Canaries. She always enjoyed it when they sang. Her first response to tghi s was "what the Hell did you have to spend all that money for" You see it not just finances with my family. If things weren't practical they just do without. Yet within 2 minutes of having the cage set up and the birds in it, she was over there in her wheel chair making chirping sounds to the birds. As I was leaving I said to her, "you see next time I ask what type of present you want you had better answer, or next time you may wind up with a pet Ferret. Her response, it was a classic, touching and very heartfelt which I will never forget. She said "if you do, i will turn you over my knee and whip the shit out of you" That smile she gave with that statement was worthg the price of a hundred canaries.
That was my favorite holiday moment in years and years
Current Mood: jubilantjubilant

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

December 14th, 2005

01:52 pm - Un confortablt sorrow-ful. Wanting to rol the dice jus one more time
An Update to my previous entry when I stated that I had no tears and was not able to feel. The exception to this was having to tell my children of their Grandmother passing. It broke my heart telling them of the news. Watchiing the tears sweel their eys shut, until what was left of their vision was redness, and an abundance of tears. They adored my Mom. As my Mom adored them.

This an eulogy of sorts, the following are the words are what I read for my Mom and at her funeral'

The words, the words do not come easy. There are words of sorrow and loss, of sadness, and of frustration. Words of looking back, and wishing that I had the ability to take a 'do over' in life. Wishing I was able to roll the dice again. Wishing I had called more often, wishing I had installed that ceiling fan she requested Wanting to go back in time and to help my Mom more than I did. Wishing I insisted that she go to the Doctors the last time I spoke with her. On the last day of her life. She spent doing what she Loved, doing for others. The last day of her life, she did for me. She checked on my Dogs, and she vacuumed for me. She was obviously weak, her voice was strained, and her breathing was shallow. Yet she gave of herself. These will be my frustrations and my guilt. Then this is not about me. I will deal with my regrets. This is not a time for regrets. This is a time of celebration.

To celebrate the life she chose, the life she wanted.

While going over the mountain of paperwork dating back to 1957. She had the means to improve her quality of life. She had the means to give her the creature comforts which we all have and we all take for granted. She was quite content in her life. She was happy in her life, the material way of life was not her way. She enjoyed the laundry-mat as opposed to having a washer and dryer of her own. She enjoyed her alone time, making friends and discussing life with the people she knew there. She was content with having a home with older carpeting, as she knew her mother was able to maneuver her wheel chair easily through the worn out fabric. I did not understand this, though my suggestions to improve her life were quite logical. They were logical for me, yet not for her. I did not understand her ignoring my sound advise. It’s not until after her passing that I understood the validity of her choices. This where my pride had a major awakening. The fact that my suggestions were nonsense to her.
Of course she never told me how ridiculous my thoughts were to her way of life.
She had what she required to give her a content life. I was blind to this until recently.

Giving and doing, and sacrificing was her way. Another aspect of her which I had mis-read. I thought her sacraficeing for others was her playing the role of the martyr. I couldn’t of been more worng. This is just the Loving and kind person that was Marilyn. I am sorry Mom for all my misconceptions.

There are no words about my Mom that would be complete without words about my children, Eric and Emily. They brought her more joy, more happiness and more pride that can be put into words. They were her greatest gift, she cherished them, they were her greatest pride, they were the smile on her face, they were the warmth, the contentment, the inner glow that best defined my Mom. To say they were part of her life is quite the understatememnt. They were her life, they were the best part of her. They truly adored her as well. Their every smile, their every accomplishment, their every joy. It stoked her enternal flame. On holidays and Birthdays, our traditional paper fights with discarded wrapping paper. Gave her joy depite the fact she did not condone us trashing the living room. Eric with his never ending quips which left her unable to compete in a word of wars with my son. Despite her being beaten on the battlefield of words She would walk away smiling and glowing. Then there was Emily with her playful sacasm, her playful teasing of everyone in the room including herself, my Uncle, and yes even I fell victim to Emily’s playfulness. Again my Mom would light up with every word my daughter spoke. As she would always set beautiful place settings for our holiday feast.

Let us not forget my Uncle her brother, they would still fight as 12 year old brothers and sister do. Though there was no malice in there battles. It was just how they expressed their Love.

Now my Moms most formidable opponent was our family matriarch Helen, her mother and my Grandmother. Though my Grandmother was supposed to be under my Moms care. It wasn’t quite that way. After a holiday dinner there was always a race to the sink between the two of them. To see who got first crack at the dirty dishes. These were some intense battles, which usually ended with my Grandma being pushed out of the kitchen, calling my Mom a stubborn Pollock. Yet while these battles seems quite fierce at the time. They were the most Loving and caring of contests, that will stay wih me for all of my time. It was my Moms way.

The greatest testimonial to my Mom came while
Speaking on the phone telling friends and acquaitamnces of my Moms passing. I would here the same words over and over again. Your Mom was so kind, so sweet, your Mom was always there for me, your Mom was my rock. Your Mom I liked from day one, she never held back and she told you what she thought. Yet these were all terms of endearment. Terms of Love. Mom will be missed by many. She will be missed by me, being robbed of the ability to roll the dice one more time, never being able to land on Virgil street, to have her answer the door.
Mom, I do Love You
Current Mood: cynicalcynical
Current Music: Pink Floyd Wish You were Here

(10 comments | Leave a comment)

> previous 10 entries
> Go to Top